The Adjunct

Note: The following correspondence appears unedited except for the omission of names. English 2 (Critical Thought & Reasoning, is the highest level English course offered at a community college. It is considered a sophmore English course, and counts as such.

Professor STAFF, this is Student from your ewrit2 class on m/w. I wanted to talk to you about my grade. I feel like I tried very hard on the final portfolio, and I deserved a better grade than a D. I would like to know my final points, and percentages. I really needed this class to be transferrable and I was surprised that the effort I put forth was not realized in my final grade. If you could email me back it would be much appreciated.
Thanks, Student

Dear Student,

Essay 1 – 128 points (64%)
Essay 2 – 146 points (73%)
Essay 3 – 138 points (69%)
Quizzes – 114 points (57%)
Journals – 85 points (85%)
Portfolio – 69 points (69%)

Total 680 points (68%) = D

I wouldn’t call a 57% on the quizzes putting forth much effort. Nor would I call a final essay that fails to meet even the minimum page requirements a considerable effort either (5 page minimum, yours was half a page short of this minimum). You knew since day one that failure to score well on the daily quizzes would hurt your overall score, and you knew that failure to even meet the minimum page requirement for your essay would almost certainly assure you of a non-passing score for that paper. Considering that you got a D on your first essay, and a very low C on your second, I am surprised that you are this shocked by your final grade. Finally, your portfolio required a revision of three (3) writer’s journals, yet you only included one (1): this also assured you of a low score for that section of your grade.

I hope this clears up any confusion you may have.

Professor STAFF

Comedian Bill Maher made a short speech on his television program
regarding the firing of every single teacher at Central Falls High School due to
low test scores.

I know I am a college instructor, and not high school teacher, but I
thought I’d share his little diatribe anyway because it does spark some very
interesting points relating to my profession.

Please keep in mind the Maher is a comedian first, and political commentator
second, and also that this contains a little rough language.

New Rule: Let’s Not Fire the Teachers When Students Don’t Learn — Let’s Fire the Parents

-Bill Maher

New Rule: Let’s not fire the teachers when students don’t learn – let’s fire the parents. Last week President Obama defended the firing of every single teacher in a struggling high school in a poor Rhode Island neighborhood. And the kids were outraged. They said, “Why blame our teachers?” and “Who’s President Obama?” I think it was Whitney Houston who said, “I believe that children are our future – teach them well and let them lead the way.” And that’s the last sound piece of educational advice this country has gotten – from a crack head in the ’80′s.

Yes, America has found its new boogeyman to blame for our crumbling educational system. It’s just too easy to blame the teachers, what with their cushy teachers’ lounges, their fat-cat salaries, and their absolute authority in deciding who gets a hall pass. We all remember high school – canning the entire faculty is a nationwide revenge fantasy. Take that, Mrs. Crabtree! And guess what? We’re chewing gum and no, we didn’t bring enough for everybody.

But isn’t it convenient that once again it turns out that the problem isn’t us, and the fix is something that doesn’t require us to change our behavior or spend any money. It’s so simple: Fire the bad teachers, hire good ones from some undisclosed location, and hey, while we’re at it let’s cut taxes more. It’s the kind of comprehensive educational solution that could only come from a completely ignorant people.

Firing all the teachers may feel good – we’re Americans, kicking people when they’re down is what we do – but it’s not really their fault. Now, undeniably, there are some bad teachers out there. They don’t know the material, they don’t make things interesting, they have sex with the same kid every day instead of spreading the love around… But every school has crappy teachers. Yale has crappy teachers – they must, they gave us George Bush.

According to all the studies, it doesn’t matter what teachers do. Although everyone appreciates foreplay. What matters is what parents do. The number one predictor of a child’s academic success is parental involvement. It doesn’t even matter if your kid goes to private or public school. So save the twenty grand a year and treat yourself to a nice vacation away from the little bastards.

It’s also been proven that just having books in the house makes a huge difference in a child’s development. If your home is adorned with nothing but Hummel dolls, DVD’s, and bleeding Jesuses, congratulations, you’ve just given your children the gift of Duh. Sarah Palin said recently she wrote on her hand because her father used to do it. I rest my case.

When there are no books in the house, and there are no parents in the house, you know who raises the kids? That’s right, the television. Kids aren’t keeping up with their studies; they’re keeping up with the Kardashians. We’re allowing the television, as babysitter, to turn us into a nation of slutty idiots. By the way, one sign your 9-year-old may be watching too much One Tree Hill: if she has an imaginary friend with benefits.