Professor STAFF,

I just wanted to say thank you. Without your help last quarter I never would have gotten an A this quarter. Thanks again and I hope all is well.

-Student

Student,

That’s really great to hear. You were an excellent student, and I wish you the absolute best in your future endeavors.

-Professor STAFF

Professor STAFF, this is Student from your ewrit2 class on m/w. I wanted to talk to you about my grade. I feel like I tried very hard on the final portfolio, and I deserved a better grade than a D. I would like to know my final points, and percentages. I really needed this class to be transferrable and I was surprised that the effort I put forth was not realized in my final grade. If you could email me back it would be much appreciated.
Thanks, Student

Dear Student,

Essay 1 – 128 points (64%)
Essay 2 – 146 points (73%)
Essay 3 – 138 points (69%)
Quizzes – 114 points (57%)
Journals – 85 points (85%)
Portfolio – 69 points (69%)

Total 680 points (68%) = D

I wouldn’t call a 57% on the quizzes putting forth much effort. Nor would I call a final essay that fails to meet even the minimum page requirements a considerable effort either (5 page minimum, yours was half a page short of this minimum). You knew since day one that failure to score well on the daily quizzes would hurt your overall score, and you knew that failure to even meet the minimum page requirement for your essay would almost certainly assure you of a non-passing score for that paper. Considering that you got a D on your first essay, and a very low C on your second, I am surprised that you are this shocked by your final grade. Finally, your portfolio required a revision of three (3) writer’s journals, yet you only included one (1): this also assured you of a low score for that section of your grade.

I hope this clears up any confusion you may have.

Professor STAFF

These emails took place after my emails with the student, but before our conversation.

Division Dean,

You are the Dean of Language Art department? My name is Student I got your information from college web site, I have a request, I need a late drop. My story is I enrolled in English 1B with professor STAFF. About three weeks before Nov 13 I stop going to class but did not try to drop until Nov 12 when I try to drop online. Unfortunately my record is on hold and I could not do it and I could not go in to school the next day because the school is close in observance of Veterans day. I send two emails to professor STAFF on Nov 12 and 13 asking him to drop me from the class but he said he did not received the emails even though the same address is used with other correspondence with the professor he did receive. I can not mistype the address on those emails drop request because his email is in my address book and I am selecting it every time I sent email to professor STAFF. I have the two emails that I sent to professor STAFF. Can you help? Thanks.

Regards,

Student

Hello Student,

In order for me to approve a late drop your instructor needs to initiate the paperwork and approve it. Then he needs to send it to me for approval.

best,

Division Dean

Division Dean, I will call professor STAFF to ask him to start the paperwork but if he won’t do it can you talk to him? Also how long do I have to do this? I am sorry for my procrastination.

Thanks sincerely,

Student

Hi Student,

I will not approve any late drops unless the instructor has approved it and the reasons are valid. You need to talk to Professor STAFF and request that he approves the late drop because of the miscommunication with the email.

This should be done ASAP.

best,

Division Dean

Right about now is when our phone conversation took place. Let me point out that the dean was quite clear that she can’t (and won’t) do anything unless I approve. I have already told the student I do not approve, and in our phone conversation I was also quite clear on this point. So here’s the email the student sent, with a CC to me, and my department chair.

Division Dean,

I talked to professor STAFF just now and he said that he will not do the late drop because it is my responsibility to follow up. He said that I am an annoyance to you that you do not care about what happened and as he is concerned this conversation is final and don’t call him anymore. I only call him once just now! That’s a lot to take in so early in the day.

Thanks for everything,

Student

So I was forced to write a letter with a CC to both the division dean and my department chair.

Student,

I did say that my decision was final, but I never referred to you as an annoyance. I did request that you not call me at home at 8:00 in the morning, and that request still stands.

I know that you may feel that I do not care about the difficulties of your situation, but I do. However, given that you did not have excessive absences as of the drop date, it was up to you to drop the class if you no longer wished to attend. I did not hear any desire from you to drop the class until the very end of the quarter.

I am sorry, but I will not be requesting a late drop for you.

-Professor STAFF

Student: Will you request a late drop?

Me: No.

Student: Why not.

Me: Because it was your responsibility to drop, and you waited until the end of the quarter to contact me.

Student: So, will you request a late drop?

Me: No.

Student: But WHY NOT?

Right around the time my left ear started to bleed, she finally broke from the circle.

Student: I will go to the dean and she will make you give me a late drop.

Me: The dean can’t do that. It is my call, not hers.

Student: I will convince her.

Me: Again, she doesn’t have the ability to force me to give you a late drop.

Student: So you will give me a late drop if I don’t go to the dean?

On and on. Finally, it was time for me to end this conversation. Again, since this was a phone call, I am paraphrasing.

Me: As I said before, my decision is final. I have explained my reasons, and I will not change my stance on this. Going to the dean will not help, because there is absolutely nothing she can do and you are just going to be pestering her needlessly. I need to go now.

Student: You cannot stop me from going to the dean!

Me: Feel free. In the future, please do not call me at 8:00 AM.

Professor STAFF,

Can you please drop me from the class. Can you confirm that you do?

Thanks

Student

Student,

I’m sorry, but I cannot drop students after November 13. In the future, you should not request or rely upon an instructor to drop you from a class, but drop yourself either online or at Admissions & Records.

-Professor STAFF

Professor STAFF,

I have a hold on my record and can not do it online I am going to go to record and submit a drop slip but then the school is close today. Can you please drop me from the class and let me know that I am dropped from the class.

Thank you so much

-Student

Student,

As I said in my prior email, I can no longer drop students, and it is not my responsibility to do so. Talk to Admissions & Records.

-Professor STAFF

Professor STAFF,

I sent you two emails on Nov 12 and 13 asking you to drop me from the class but do not heard a reply from you. Can you let me know why am I not drop from the class?

Thanks

Student

Student,

Again, you will need to check with Admissions & Records regarding this, but I believe that they cannot drop you this late in the quarter. Again, it is a student’s own responsibility to drop classes. I did not receive any emails from you regarding this, but it sounds like you tried contacting me after the drop date anyway.

-Professor STAFF

Professor STAFF,

The dropping deadline is Nov 13 I have problem with my record and can not do it myself so I send you the request on time. I don’t think I can drop now. Why do you not receive my emails?

Student

Student,

You may (emphasis on may) have sent the request on time, but you sent it to the wrong place. Although I have the ability to drop students if they have excessive absences, I am not the person students should contact for class drops. The proper office for dealing with this is, again, Admission & Records, not me.

Emails, like all things, can get lost or accidently sent to the wrong address. I never got your original request, but if I had then I would have told you that you need to go to Admissions & Records and drop the class yourself. As it stands, you attended most of the class. You stopped attending shortly before the drop date, and then tried to email me at the very last minute with a request for a drop. You got no response from me, and any check of your enrollment would have showed that you were not dropped from the class. All of this was about a month ago.

Now you are shocked to find that I did not drop you from the class last month. I am shocked that over the course of the last four weeks that you never checked whether you were still in the class. Either way, I can not and will not drop you at this point.

-Professor STAFF

This next letter was forwarded to me by my department chair. It seems my student did the next logical thing: try and go above my head.

Mr. Department Chair,

My name is Student and I left you a voicemail a couple of hours
earlier, I also stop by the department’s office. I asked that if I can have
a late drop because I just checked at registration and it shows that I still
enrolled in English 1B. I enrolled in 1B but stop going to class about
three weeks before Nov 13. On Nov 12 I try to drop the class online but
couldn’t because my record is on hold. I send Professor STAFF two
emails asking him to drop me from the class. I then send an email 10 days
later asking professor STAFF whether I am dropped but professor STAFF reply
that he did not receive the emails. But I am using the same email address
to correspond with professor STAFF and he received all the other messages
except for the drop one. I can not type the wrong address because his
address is in my address book and I just select it. Can you please let me
know if I can do a late drop? Thanks

Regards,

Student

PS: I include the first email I send. I will follow with the second email.

I love it when students try and go over my head to my department chair or division dean. They always tell them the same thing: they have no authority to make me do anything. The following was a CC from the department chair.

Student–
Unfortunately, I do not have the authority to drop you from your
class–that is between you and your instructor. At this point, I
think your chances of getting a drop processed are slim, since it is
past the due date, but you can ask your instructor to request an
appeal with Admissions & Records for which the Language Arts Dean’s
signature recommendation will be required.

Sincerely,

English Department Chair

I will not request an appeal with Admissions & Records on behalf of this student. My reasons are: (1) it was student’s own responsibility to drop themselves from the class, (2) I am not convinced this student ever sent an email to me in the first place, (3) if an email was sent, then it was at the very last minute and should not have been considered an assured drop for the class, (4) student waited an entire month before checking to see if the class was dropped, (5) student attended a majority of the class, turning in major assignment and participating fully until a week or two before the drop date, therefor I had no evidence of excessive absences until after the final drop date, and thus consider myself absolved of any responsibility.

This type of exchange is very typical; I shall have to post more of these emails as they seem very popular. Students feel they can badger or hammer away at me until I cave. When that fails, and it always fails, they usually go over my head. When my department chair or division dean tells them this is not the same as complaining about a waiter at a restaurant, and they literally can not compel me to take any different action, then the student usually badgers and hammers away at them. What an absolute waste of time! I also find these sort of situations dispiriting over time.

Hello Professor STAFF. This is Student, SID#########, from the EWRT 1B 3:45-5:50pm class. I arrived to class around 4:35 on Thursday 12/03 and class was locked and empty. I know our portfolio’s were due that day but I wasn’t off of work until 4 and getting out to campus at that out is a real difficulty. I had no choice but to turn in the portfolio to your mailbox and to be honest, I am still freaking out about it. I don’t want to fail because I had work that day and was late to class, I had my portfolio done on the due day. I left a note on the inside of the portfolio and wrote professor STAFF on the cover of the file folder. It is a dark blue folder. Anyway I looked around the parking lot and wandered around campus hoping to see you or another classmate but still, all my worrying and stressing has left me incessantly rambling on a very simple email. I worked pretty hard on it, well, i worked hard on all the papers in the class. I have ADD and am finally getting treatment, as of this week, but regardless, I am really worried about this. It’s hard but it was really nice to be in a class where lost apathy and desired to succeed. Please email me back with the standing of my portfolio or in the class. See you in EWRT 2 next quarter.

without wax
-Student

Dear Student,

You could not have been outside the room at 4:35, because I stayed an entire hour waiting for you (until 4:45 PM). The deadline for the portfolio was 3:45 PM. I made this quite clear, and I stressed that I would not wait for you (even though I did) and that if you do not turn in your final exam portfolio then you fail the class.

Why would you think that getting off work at 4:00 PM on the day that a major assignment was due at 3:45 PM was acceptable?

Why would you wait until Monday night to email me about missing the deadline of last Thursday afternoon?

Let’s see, you also mentioned you have ADD, a pesky case of apathy, and that you’ll see me in EWRT 2. Addressing those in order: I have ADD yet still show up to work on time everyday, apathy to me has always been an ailment of the bourgeois, and no, you will not see me next quarter in EWRT 2, because you are not registered for that class and it is already full with a ten student wait list.

I will give you until midnight tonight to email me your portfolio, which will be heavily penalized. I’m turning in my grade sheets at 12:01 AM, and there will be no further allowances whatsoever.

Please let me know if you have any further questions or concerns.

-Professor STAFF

Hi Professor STAFF,

I am concern about my grade in Ewrt 211. I didn’t do so well on the first essay, and I wanted to know my percentage in the class? I would like to know whether I should stay or drop the class because of my low performance since the drop deadline is coming up?

-Student

Dear Student,

Everyone did poorly on the first essay. You are in this class because your skills were evaluated, and they were deemed not ready for English 1A. If you had passed the first essay, then that would have indicated that you were ready for 1A. What you must do is not quit, and also not expect to instantly have the required skills through no effort of your own. Instead, focus on what you did wrong on your first essay, and how you can improve those areas.

Did you read the comments that I gave you?
Did you identify the areas within the essay that are unacceptable?
Did you attempt, while writing your current essay, to improve upon your skill in these areas and not make the same mistakes?
Did you plan to rewrite your first essay again and improve upon your work?

This is what is required for this class. You have not been sentenced to one quarter of sitting idle until you accrue enough classroom hours to qualify for 1A. You shall not be able to enter 1A without the necessary composition skills. Or, if you somehow enter it with these skills, then you shall not be able to pass it.

The point of this class is to bring your skills up to the proper level, not to already have the required skills. You are not expected to pass the first essay; I explained this repeatedly. You are expected to take it home, focus on the areas that are in need of improvement, and rewrite, revise, and improve.

Have you been reading the homework? When it is difficult, have you been doing the practice questions until you understand it easily?

This is what the class requires. Some students take 211 two or even three times before they can be ready for 1A.

In the end, if you drop out now, then you’ll just have to take the class again in the fall. If you take the class now and work hard, then maybe you will learn a few things, improve upon your skills, and get into 1A. If you do not pass (no one fails this class, the only score awarded is a P or NP), you’ll still have to take it again in the fall, but perhaps your skill will still have improved and you will have a better chance of passing in the fall.

No one ever succeeded in college, or at anything for that matter, by quitting when they didn’t instantly do things perfectly.

In regards to your question, your current score in the class, including all tests, writer’s journals, and class participation, is at 81.2%, which is passing.

Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

-Professor STAFF

A key element in the story is that the Brownie’s fathers lived through segregation. So when we began discussing the fathers, and the concept of racial and social inheritance, I asked the question, “What did their fathers live through?”

Blank stares.

“Alright,” I said, “if this story takes place in the eighties, and these girls are about ten or eleven years old, then what was happening in this nation when their parents were their age?”

More stares. One student put his head down.

“Come on, people!” I clapped my hands to try and wake them up. “What was going on in this country in the late fifties and mid-sixties? What did all their fathers, all African-Americans for that matter, live through?”

“Slavery?” a particularly dull students asked.

Words failed me.

Slavery? Slavery!

“In 1960?” I asked her.

“All black people were slaves,” she told me cautiously.

“In 1960?” I asked again, incredulously. “When did slavery end? For God’s sake, when was the civil war?”

“The war was in the thirties,” another voice mumbled. “So that’s…was it 1938?”

You heard it here first: Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves in 1938. Or possibly 1960. At this point, the student who had guessed slavery existed in 1960, placed her head down on her desk, and closed her eyes.

True, dealing with difficult students can be frustrating at times, but yesterday’s incident did not really depress me (unless I started considering these students as the future of humanity, in which case yes).

As I continued to think about this, numerous other incidents involving jaw-droppingly thick students came rushing to mind. In light of my recent blogger’s block, I decided to encourage all forms of professorial diatribes by adding a new category: Zombie Students Need Brains.

Oh, Professorial Diatribes might be another good one!

Off we go!

She wanted to know how long the test was.

I told her there was no test today, or any day, because it was a composition class (essays and discussion only). We’re about halfway through the semester at this point.

She insisted that I had instructed them to bring scantrons for the test. I told her I didn’t even know how the fucking scantron machine works, and that if she can find the word scantron anywhere in my syllabus, or calendar, or handouts then I will let her leave the class with an instant A.

She sifted through her crumpled handouts for about ten minutes.

Then two of her friends came into class and pulled out their scantrons. Apparently she had been reminded them about the test today…